Worried about someone?

If you’re reading this, you’re probably worried about a parent, a grandparent, an auntie, a neighbour, or an older friend. Maybe something small has shaken you — a casual mention of a “new partner” they’ve never met in person, an unusual bank transfer, a computer running slowly for weeks.

You probably already know something is off. You don’t need us to convince you. What you need is a short, clear list of what to do, who to ring, and what to say. This page is that.

If the situation is an emergency — someone is about to hand money to a “courier”, or is being threatened — dial 999 now and come back to this page afterwards.

No single one of these means a scam. Several together usually do. Trust your gut — people who love someone notice things long before the bank does.

• Money moving in unusual ways. Large withdrawals, transfers to names they can't explain, asking about gift cards, crypto, or Western Union / MoneyGram.
• A new online relationship they won't introduce. Someone they've met online, often described as working abroad (military, oil rig, doctor). They will not video call. They need money for something time-sensitive.
• They're secretive about the phone or laptop. Tilting the screen away. Going quiet when you walk in. Deleting messages. Not like them.
• Someone told them to download a remote-access tool. AnyDesk, TeamViewer, Quick Assist, Chrome Remote Desktop. A real bank or police force will never do this.
• They've been told not to tell anyone. Classic scammer playbook — 'the bank' or 'the police' instructing them to keep it confidential, especially from family.
• Post-box changes and letters they won't show you. Debt letters, investment statements from firms you've never heard of, cheques from nowhere.
• Subtle changes in thinking. Repeating themselves, getting confused about dates or money they've sent, struggling with tasks that used to be easy. This might be cognitive decline — or it might be exhaustion from constant pressure from a scammer.
• Another person is controlling access. A 'helpful' neighbour, carer, new partner, or relative who insists on being present for phone calls, does all their banking, or has their PIN.

Most family members’ first instinct is to take over: ring the bank, confront the scammer, lock down the laptop. That usually goes badly. It confirms the scammer’s favourite lie — that you are the one who doesn’t understand. It ends with the person you love trusting the scammer more than they trust you.

Before anything else:

1. Don’t shout. Don’t shame. Scams work by isolating the victim. Embarrassment is what keeps people silent. If you open with “how could you be so stupid” they will stop telling you things.
2. Ask open questions.“Tell me about your new friend.” “Who suggested the investment?” “When did you last video call them?” Listen to the answers.
3. Agree one small thing.Even if they won’t stop engaging, you might get agreement to: not send more money this week, ring the bank together, or show the emails to someone neutral.
4. Use the word “scam” calmly, once. Naming it out loud, without panic, often does more than any piece of evidence you can produce.
5. Keep the door open.“Whatever you decide, I’m not going to be angry. Ring me before you send anything.”

You don’t need permission to ring any of these. They are all free. None of them will judge you or the person you’re worried about.

A fuller, continuously-checked list of trusted services — with cost, trust reasoning, and last-checked date on every one — lives on our resources page.

• Don't confront the scammer yourself. You will not get your relative's money back, and you may put them at greater risk. Report to Action Fraud and let the bank do the recall.
• Don't seize the laptop or change their passwords without them. This rarely works and usually destroys trust. If you must lock something down urgently (e.g. the scammer still has remote access), do it with the person present and explain every step.
• Don't promise 'you'll get it back'. Most scam money is not recovered. Managing the expectation is part of managing the fallout.
• Don't assume it's dementia. Scam victims under prolonged pressure look a lot like people with cognitive decline — sleepless, confused, defensive. Get them out from under the pressure before drawing conclusions about their mind.
• Don't keep it to yourself. Whether or not you report to the police, tell the bank, tell a GP, tell someone. Isolation is what the scammer relies on — both theirs and yours.

Once the money has stopped moving and the immediate risk is gone, there is a much harder, longer job: rebuilding the person’s confidence so that they can use a phone, a laptop, a bank app again without freezing up. Some people stop answering the door for months. Some never open a new bank account again. Some try to cover it up forever.

That’s what our sessions are for — quiet rooms, no jargon, no I-told-you-sos. If you think a workshop might be part of the picture for them, we’re easy to book. And if you want to talk it through first, email us. We won’t ask for their name unless you want us to.

Our full safeguarding policy sets out what we do if someone discloses fraud or abuse in a session. It’s on this site so you can read it before you book.